“A whole hand, mom!” Part 2

So I want to set this up for you…I honestly, had no intentions of a Part 2 but hey, it’s my blog and there are no rules!  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote my first “Five Minute Friday” blog post linking up with others using the same word prompt and writing for 5 minutes with whatever came to mind.  It was fun!  This past Friday was my boy’s birthday and it totally slipped my mind to check and see what the prompt was, but I happened to yesterday and guess what the prompt was…5!  The word prompt was 5 on the same day my boy turned 5 and with so many emotions swirling through my heart and head, I knew I had to jot them down and share them.  Seriously, it’s like the prompt was just for me, just kidding, kind of.

Here goes (better late than never)…5 minutes…”5″

My boy turned 5 this past Friday.  The one who made me a mama.  He turned a “whole hand.”

And listen, I’d like to say that I sauntered gracefully into this birthday with him and embraced it joyfully, but I didn’t.  While my middle name is Grayce (sounds like Grace even though it’s spelled differently), most of my life I have been anything but graceful.  This birthday celebration for my boy was no different.  I even wrote a blog on the eve of his 5th birthday, retelling his birth story with a little blip from Jen Hatmaker on how Brave moms, raise Brave kids, preaching to myself of course.  But let me tell you, I was anything but brave this past weekend.  There were so many times I was on the brink of tears.  This 5th birthday had me feeling all sorts of ways.

The night before his 5th birthday, as I tucked him, I hugged him a little longer and my heart just about exploded knowing that the inevitable would happen.  The next morning he would wake up a year older and a new page would begin.  Now some of you may think that I am being a bit dramatic, but if you are a mom, chances are you have felt this way before or will someday soon as your child turns the magical age of 5 or whatever age it is that has you feeling all sorts of crazy emotions.

After tucking him in bed that night, my husband and I were talking in the kitchen and I told him how much my heart hurt that our boy was turning 5.  I literally felt like I was in mourning over the fact that he would no longer be 4 and that I had no control over time.  My husband lovingly brought me back to my senses as he always does.  He reminded me that I can’t get so hung up on the past, what was, and not embrace the present and what lies ahead.  He told me that if I continue to relish in the pain of our son no longer being 4, then I will miss the present joy of him being 5 and all that it brings.  Well, thank you dear, for the warm fuzzy punch in the gut, but seriously it was what I needed.

For all you mamas out there, hear me…we aren’t doing ourselves any good mourning our kids no longer being 2…5…10…whatever number.  We have to “let it go” in the wise words of Disney’s Elsa and embrace the joy right in front of us.  What it boils down to honestly, is a lesson in trust.  Do I trust that God has my child’s future in His hands? Yes.  Do I trust that He can write a better story for my child than I could ever dream of? Yes.

So listen mamas, it’s ok to keep turning the pages, because God writes the story!

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