…the only thing these words have in common is that they rhyme.
I’ll be honest, I actually had to google today’s word prompt “muddle” because I wasn’t really sure what it meant. But now that I do, we are good to go!
This past weekend, we had dinner with some dear friends at their house. Over chicken wings and some autumn brew, we found ourselves deep in conversation about marriage. The four of us were vulnerable, honest, and real about our hang ups and setbacks as it pertains to marriage. You can know someone without truly knowing them. Real intimacy only comes when vulnerability is present. This conversation was a game changer for all of us, in different ways, but one thing I’m sure of, we won’t soon forget it.
The second year of mine and Nick’s marriage, started out super rocky. I think it’s when the fun of “playing house” had started to wear off and I realized that he had moved me 600 miles away from everyone and everything familiar. There were lots of disagreements and lots of tears, which I am sure the “devil medicine” (aka birth control) played some role in, but I didn’t realize it at the time. It felt like we were always taking two steps forward and one step back. That one step back had me troubled, why couldn’t we just keep moving forward already, why did it feel like we were just muddling through this second year of marriage?
Here is what I learned, what Nick and I learned together…the health of our marriage was not dependent upon the absence of fights, disagreements, or setbacks. Our marriage was healthy because we kept fighting. We kept coming back to the same old things, we kept fighting for one another and for our marriage. Because when you stop fighting, is when you give up, when you no longer care. So while this tango of always moving two steps forward and one step back had me frustrated beyond belief and always wondering or rather yelling out loud, “Why can’t we just GET IT ALREADY?!?” I finally realized the value and beauty of it.
The next time you find yourself in yet another disagreement/fight with your spouse instead of the words that are actually coming out of the other person’s mouth, hear this…”I am fighting FOR YOU!”, “I am fighting FOR US!”