I’m sure you are all familiar with the saying, “Paying for my raising,” right?? Last night as I lay in bed with my 5-year-old after a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night of trying to coax him in to bed and to sleep, I thought to myself, this is what that saying means and I don’t like it ONE BIT! I’ll let you all in on a little secret…I was a handful for my parents. Actually, no, I was more than a handful. Pretty sure I made my mom cry on more than one occasion and then go lock herself in her room (sorry mama!). And you know it was bad, when at every family function or reunion, people start going around the room telling “Lindsey stories.” Yea, I was THAT KID.
I am “payin’ for my raisin'” in every sense of the word. I’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating that nothing has humbled me, broken me, refined me, and shaped me like that of becoming a mama. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. With every decision I make, every punishment I hand out, or every time I raise my voice, I wonder how badly I am screwing their future selves up. And now, I know exactly how my parents felt when they were raising me. They were doing the best they could and learning right alongside me what it means to be a parent as I was learning what it means to be a kid, a teenager and eventually an adult.
I have good news for you, I *think* I turned out ok. So, not only is there hope for my kids but there is also hope for you mamas out there who feel like banging your head against the wall every hour or calling out rather loudly to Jesus to come to your rescue (I may or may not do this on the regular).
Here is one thing I know for certain, I will more than likely screw my kids up to an extent. Sad, but true. And as much as I don’t like it, they will have to “unlearn” certain things from me. I am not a perfect parent and I dare say there is one out there who can claim that they are. But I will make sure that children always know that they are loved and treasured. I will continue to show up for them and fight for them. Just as it is with us and our Heavenly Father, there is nothing they could ever do that would separate them from my love.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11